It is the new year, and I can’t help but think of how this year can, and will be better then the last. Which, I do have to say, will be a little hard since my family made a huge, amazing move to the North West at the beginning of last year and it has truly been one of the best things that has happened for us as a family.
Last year the move allowed us to focus on our family, and to start new. We were able to see exactly what each of us brought to the table and the areas that we needed to improve in. Even Liam, my youngest, has been learning a lot about himself and his part in out family. For myself, having the new start gave me clarity of how I can sometime be a selfish individual, who gets stuck in patterns and is to lazy to get out of them. I saw myself finding my identity in the negative aspects of being a mother and wife instead of seeing what an honor it was to be a mother and a wife to such an amazing family.
And I don't want to put blame on the past, because this year we have truly made huge strides in moving forward, but I was stuck with all the demons of the past. My passion and desire for just about everything had slowly been dying away. From my relationship with God, to being a wife, mother and friend, and even my photography were all being negatively effected. I was drowning and I didn't even know it. Being here in Portland this last year has been so healing for my family and I. I am ready to put beautiful tattoos over all of it and make memories that will last for generations.
But before I go any further, I have to give a huge shout out to one of my dearest and closest friends Jentry Dryden, of Fifth and Chestnut Photo Co. Herself, and her family, didn’t know it, but when we first met and started a beautiful relationship they became a huge life net and blessing in our lives in those dark times. God gave us exactly what we needed to keep us going through them. (I am sitting in a coffee shop right now trying to hold it together as I type this!) Through Jentry and her family I was able to hold onto a relationship with God, hold onto being a loving wife, hold onto being a loving mother, and hold onto photography. Until the time came when my family was called to the NW where all my passions and desires can grow and my family can be stronger, Jentry and her family was a solid anchor. I want to say thank you, Jentry, for everything that you had no idea you were doing. Thank you also for posting your blog for the new year as it gave me strength to post this.
So now that the new year is here I have come up with the Goals for 2017:
God ended up being this friend that I took everywhere but I wouldn't put him first. He sat next to me and offered His opinion, but I was constantly talking over him. He would smile when I prayed every once in awhile, but He was desiring my warm embrace. For the New year I want to dance with Him, and I want my boys to see His face and how He is truly a part of our lives.
I am not a nagging wife or mother, but I have not been a positive wife or mother. With the new year I desire to see the blessings that we have and focus on the positive. As a wife and a mother I want to be uplifting and empowering my husband and my boys to be the best that they can be and to give them the tools that they need from me to grow.
The past years I have continued my photography but without passion and drive. My images slowly got better, but i gave no time investment to improve. And that is exactly what I want for the new year. I am putting time aside everyday to improve my photos, to grow my business, and to bring back the passion and desire that I miss so dearly.
I was so blessed to have had such amazing friends and family in the past years. Our last years in Reno/Sparks was full of deep and meaningful relationships. Even though I could have counted my closest friends with my fingers, each and every relationship was deep and meaningful - you all know who you are! I am so grateful to have all of you in our lives. Our friendships will last because we were honest and true to each other and we loved each other exactly where we were at the moment, and without expectations. This next year these relationships will continue! We miss all of you so much!!!!!!
So with all that being said here is to a New Year and the growth that is to come.